A Guide to Asexual Awareness Week

Who is included under the umbrella of Ace Identity? 

The LGBTQ+ acronym often , misses a lot of identities that are part of the queer community and experience. One group that is often overlooked is the ‘A,’ which most often stands for asexual, aromantic, or agender, but broadly falls under “a-spec” or Ace/Aro Spectrum, an incredibly diverse and varied categorization. 

Let us first understand what these identities mean. Before diving in, let us acknowledge the Split Attraction Model (SAM) which divorces sexual and romantic orientations and attractions and states that one does not necessitate the existence of the other. 

Asexual: The Asexual identity refers to not feeling sexual attraction towards anyone. However, a common misconception is that asexuality is experienced the same way by everyone who identifies as such. Just like labels can be helpful but not always specific to everyone who uses them, the asexual engagement in sexual activity can be extremely disparate. Some may be repulsed by the idea, some may be indifferent, and some others may be in favor of it depending on certain conditions. There is also a developing notion of “gray-ace” wherein the desire to engage in sexual activity is dependent on very specific circumstances. Asexual people may still enter romantic relationships.

Aromantic: The Aromantic identity refers to not feeling romantic attraction towards anyone. Aromantic people might still be sexual and experience sexual attraction. They might even enter a romantic relationship if they like. Many aromantic people opt into “queer platonic partnerships” which while platonic and not romantic, may still involve factors and milestones such as living together or raising children usually associated with romantic relationships.

Besides these, there are many other identities and micro-labels that fall under the Ace/Aro spectrum, and all are experienced very differently by different people. One we may take note of is demisexuality or demiromanticism, which refers to only being attracted to someone– either sexually or romantically– when a strong emotional bind already exists. This means that the stage of primary attraction, which may be more superficial and goes away over time, isn’t felt by them, but secondary attraction, which is developed over time, is. With all of these identities, it is important to consider fluidity and intersectionality. For example, someone may be a homosexual but panromantic, or vice versa. 

How can you support the Ace/Aro community during and beyond Ace Awareness Week?

1. Reflect on your assumptions about people and your assumptions about human relationships and fulfillment. 

2. Read up on Ace identity.

3. Believe your friends and family if they come out to you as ace/aro. 

4. Be supportive of those who may not want to label their identities and also be supportive of those who feel comfortable in micro-labels. 

5. Reflect on some of the following myths that you have socialized, and perhaps internalized, about the ace/aro identities:

   1. Asexuality is a choice or a defect.

   2. You can’t know if you’re into sex or romance till you’ve experienced it.

   3. Ace/aro identity is a reaction to mental illness or trauma.

   4. Ace/aro people just need to meet the right people.